Officer Fenway: So… Let’s get to the meat. Let’s…Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what happened?

Steve: Look, man I-

Officer Fenway: Sir

Steve: Sir?

Officer Fenway: Address me as Sir…not “man.”

Steve: Oh. Okay…alright, whatever. I… I …Look man, Sir. I…

Officer Fenway: We both want ot go home, yeah?

Steve: Yeah.

Officer Fenway:Well?… Just tell me what happened, we can both call it a night.

Steve: I don’t know… I wasn’t there.

Officer Fenway: You weren’t there?

Steve: No.

Officer Fenway: Huh… Really? Thats funny because your fuck-stick buddy next door said something completely different. Said you were involved…Deeply involved.

Steve: I wasn’t.

Officer Fenway: Is that a fact? 

Steve: Yeah it’s a god damn fact. And you’ve had me in here four fucking hours man, excuse me, SIR. I wasn’t even there when it happened. Call my girlfriend, she’ll tell you.

Officer Fenway: Thats too bad Big Boy… Thats what she calls you right? Big Boy? We’ve already spoken to her. Pinned you right at the scene.

Steve: Bullshit! I don’t have to… I wasn’t involved, I want my attorney.

Officer Fenway: Oh, you mean your mommy, the big swinging district attorney… Fuck your mom… God knows everyone else has. Mommy ain’t gonna be able to get you out of this one.

Steve: (Steve stands) You fucking watch what you sa-

Officer Fenway: Or what? You’ll hurt me? Sit the fuck down. The balls in my court, Stevey.

Steve: I want my attorney.

Officer Fenway: One too many times Stevey. One too many fucking times. You ain’t getting out of this one. I got your ass now. I got it… You feel that?… You feel it?

Steve: What?

Officer Fenway: That burning.. That burning in your ass… Get used to it… Get real used to it Stevey. They love pretty boys with blue eyes. Fuck man… Those inmates, those inmates will beg for you as a cell mate.

Steve: Thats funny.

Officer Fenway: Funny huh, you find it funny?

Steve: Yeah. Can I ask you a question SIR?

Officer Fenway: Fucking funny guy huh-

Steve: Can I ask you a question… SIR?

Officer Fenway: …

Steve: You know I’m good friends with Randall, right?

Officer Fenway: Who the fuck do you think you are? Asking me questions. Fucking Randall…

Steve: Randall Goodrich? From Preston?

Officer Fenway: You little fuck.

Steve: Well Sir… I didn’t want to bring this up but my mommy, the big swinging district attorney you spoke so highly about… Yeah… Well, she was thinking of taking Randall as a client.

Officer Fenway: Listen you little shit, I-

Steve: And Randall was going to hire her because-

Officer Fenway: You shut the fuck up!

Steve: Randall was going to hire her because he needed some help. See, he was going to be fired for sending personal emails from his work computer, you know the government monitors that kind of stuff.

Officer Fenway: …

Steve: But they were weren’t just any emails. Very sexual in content… Shockingly graphic. 

Officer Fenway: You want to fuck around …Keep takling, you’ll be here all god damn night.

Steve: Well here’s where it get interesting… The person he was sending the emails to was one Officer Fenway. Fucking coincidence huh? Yeah? 

Officer Fenway: You fuc-

Steve: (Steve stands) Why would a married man be engaged in homosexual email exchanges? Unless he was into that burning ass stuff. When I saw your badge, I couldn’t believe-

Officer Fenway: You sit your little ass-

Steve: Little ass huh?

Officer Fenway: Shut the fuck up.

Are you confused when I speak(?) 

I not make sense,

I stutter or stammer or mix up my vowels sounding words?

So jumbled, so jagged that you nod and show teeth in agreement

signing the social contract.

Something on my face? 

I washed this morning.

I awkward, lisping my way through our pleasantries?

Need a translator? I speak a foreign language? 

It’s normal in my mind,

The words I speak

the order I release them,

I not getting the reaction I want,

not as charming or funny.

Too much weight placed upon a small interaction?

All I know is you

look confused when I speak.

We don’t behave like this,

Worker bee’s having happier days

drones the middle man,

Protect the QUEEN!

At all cost

Protect the QUEEN!

Unless she’s on sale- Then take two.

We don’t think like this,

Not us.

      ”You’ve got to be fucking me Zack. Earlier this year they find pills in your room and now…

            “Da…”

            “Listen to me. You’re telling me, you’re honestly saying, that someone put the drugs in your backpack, that you’ve been set up?” 

            “Yeah.”

            “I can’t believe you’re going to lie to me like this? I’ve raised you better than that. You have a problem Zack.”

            “Dad, I swear. I swear to god I had no idea. I h…”

            “Really… no idea?”

            “Dad, I’m not…”

            “So why don’t you go ahead and explain something to me. Was this person that put the drugs in your backpack the same one that put the Vicodin in your car?”

            “Dad… I… I had no ide…”

            “Am I an asshole Zack?”

            “Huh?”

            “Am I an asshole? Am I going bend over and take anything you give me? Do you expect me to believe whatever bullshit story you’ve come up with? I’m not your mother.” 

            “I don’t k…” 

            “I know better Zack… I know better. You forget who your dealing with… I know better… You can forget about Colorado, you pissed that away. Digging ditches, that’s what you’ll be doing over summer?… Damn it Zack, you know better. I’ve raised you better. Don’t you know what that stuff does to you?”

            “Yeah, I’ve…”

            “It eats holes in your brain. You’ve seen the commercials. Guy drops an egg in the frying pan.” 

            “I’ve seen them.”

            “You want to be an addict? You want to wind up like that kid who plays Lucus?”

            “I’m not an add..”

            “Dad I…”

            “You’re coming home. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

A: (Points to sandwich) You gonna finish that?

B: Yup, planning on it.

A: Can I have a bite? 

B: Sorry Pally.

A: Come on… Just a nib-

B: Can’t do it.

A: nib…nibly.

B: Well… You got anything I might want? A little trade action?

A: Uhhh. I.. I… I got a-

B: On second thought I think I would rather have it all to myself. It’s so delicious. Delectable really.

A: That’s fine. Don’t want any anyway.

B: Really, that’s too bad…I was gonna give you a piece…Oh, well…

A: Well, if you were gonna give-

B: (Finishes last bite) That’s too bad.

A: Like I said, didn’t want none anyway.

Women? What do I think about women?… Good question. I don’t know… I guess… I gue… haven’t really thought about it. So much has changed… You know? I mean I think I know about one… and she… she turns out to be something different. Been pulling the curtain over all along. I’ve pretty much stopped trying to learn anything about them. 

Women’s rights, ha, don’t get me started. Right to what? Right to bend over? Right to serve me a hot meal… Maybe refill my beer… Right to not thank me when I open the door…Right to to claim my seat on the train. Jesus, don’t get me going…Want to be treated as equals but…

Look, don’t get the wrong impression. I love women, I really do…  They deserve…you know? I mean they’re lovely, truly are. All of em’ in their own little way. Have their own special  talents.  Especially the redheads-their kind of the underdogs of women you know?…The redheaded stepchild, that sort of thing. Most men just glance right over em’, too pale…too many freckles…then toss em’ to the curb. I find them beautiful.

Why redheads? I don’t know… It’s…You know… my father liked the reds, thats what he’d call em’, “Reds.” After school sometimes I’d come home and he’d be watchin’ this video…It was called…what was it? Raggedy Anne or Pippy Nostockings…something like that…one of those sex movies with the funny names. You know the one I’m talking about? Oh.. Well, he’d invite me into the den and we’d watch this thing. Full of redheads, that film. Yeah… I guess I got it from my dad.