MAN stares into mirror. A shaving brush rests on the sink in a bowl of frothy cream.
MAN: (Long pause, just staring) You’re a beautiful man. (Pause) A big strong beautiful man.
MAN begins lathering his face with the shaving brush while whistling. Starts shaving, long smooth strokes.
WOMAN (OS): (Frustrated) CHUCK!!! What are you doing? I’m gonna be late.
MAN: Be out in a sec!
MAN begins whistling again. Dunks razor and continues shaving.
MAN: Smooth orderly strokes. One at a time, clean.
MAN splashes water on his face and re-lathers for a second pass. Leans in close examining his himself in mirror.
MAN: (Long pause) Eyes of a champion. Penetrating and happy-
WOMAN enters bathroom. She’s a beautiful woman in a cheap way. Sees MAN with a face full of shaving cream.
WOMAN: Chuck!
MAN jumps slightly nicking his cheek with the razor.
WOMAN (CONTd.): Really Chuck? Really? Jesus… Unbelievable!
MAN: (While holding neck) FUCK! You made me cut myself!
MAN faces WOMAN
Woman: (Nasty) Poor baby. That’s all the baby has to say?
MAN: I’ll be done in a minute! Just give me-
MAN turns back to mirror. WOMAN approaches MAN from behind. She knocks over his shaving stuff.
WOMAN: Fucking waste my time. What gives you the right?… Always about you, always wasting my life. Sit at home all day…Doing nothing.
MAN resumes shaving. WOMAN stares at the back of his head.
WOMAN (CONTD.): (Pause) I’ll take myself, as usual. Keys…Where are they?
MAN: (Silence)…
WOMAN: Where are the god damn keys! Asshole!
MAN: Haven’t seen them.
WOMAN: You son of a…Eyes of a champion…
MAN: You h-
WOMAN: (Laughs) Yeah, I heard you. Eyes of a champion. (laughs) Eyes of your son of a bitch mother- that’s the ticket. Now give me the god damn keys.
MAN turns, reaches into his pant pocket and retrieves keys. Tosses them at her. They bounce off her body like shes protected by force field.
MAN: Fine. Happy now? Are you done?
MAN resumes shaving. WOMAN lunges and pushes MAN. He visibly hurts ankle. MAN is full of rage but holds it in.
WOMAN: Who’s a big boy now? Throwing objects at a girl- oooh, what a big boy you are.
WOMAN turns to leave, takes a few steps.
WOMAN: And make sure you do the dishes while I’m out making a living.
MAN goes back to the mirror, its still covered in cream from WOMANS earlier outburst. He stares at himself.
MAN: (Long Pause) You’re a beautiful man. A big
MAN stares at himself for awhile. He picks up the razor and resumes shaving.
