Speed dating. A bell rings, MAN sits down at table only to realize he knows the woman in front of him.

Man: (Shocked) Claudia…

Woman: (Doesn’t make eye contact with MAN. Visibly uncomfortable) It’s been awhile.

Man: How bout we pretend this never happened. I’ll wait over there until the next lucky gentlemen has the honor to meet you.

WOMAN: Well, you haven’t changed. Still sweeping your insecurities under the rug-

MAN: Look Claudia, I’ve been doing good. Happy, real happy. You see this smile (points to mouth)… It’s genuine.

WOMAN: I bet.

Man takes out cell phone.

WOMAN (CONTD.): Still using the “I’m uncomfortable” cell phone mechanism. Didn’t your mom teach you anything about mannors…oh, yeah I forgot…you’re socially retarded.

MAN: Just pretend you don’t know me. We’re two people sitting at a bus station. That way I don’t have to hear  your horrific voice.

WOMAN: Taking control of the situation. (says under her breath) So anal retentive…

MAN: (Slams phone down, angry) I’m anal retentive? I’ll show you anal explosive if you keep this up, shits gonna spray all over these walls!

WOMAN: Watch your language, people are starting to stare. You’re delusional.

MAN: I’m delusional?

WOMAN: I would say so.

MAN: You’re delusional.

WOMAN: Look. Get over it.

MAN: Claudia, you cost me my job.

WOMAN: You shouldn’t of behaved like that at work.

Man: I shouldn’t have behaved like that, you’re the one who invitied it.

WOMAN: Look, I thought we were over this… Are you so angry you can’t even compliment my hair?

MAN: Your hair?

WOMAN: Don’t you like it?

MAN: Do I like it?

WOMAN: I take that as a yes.

MAN: I couldn’t care less about your hair. It’s blonde, like all the other desperate cunts in this room.

Three blondes at other tables here this last line and stare at MAN. All conversations stop. The bell rings and this round of dating is over.